Boobs fascists.

There is entirely too much pressure on women to breastfeed these days. Way too much. It makes me sick that people can pass judgment on other mothers for not bfing. Let me give you sensible opinion on the subject:
* Sticking lit cigarettes into your kids mouth = bad.
* Blowing weed into a baby's face = bad.
* not feeding child = bad.
* Feeding child any amount of alcohol, even if it seems to make their gums feel better = bad.
* feeding formula = Is it really all that bad?
But the way these people talk about it you'd swear it was all the same. You'd swear that these poor formula fed babies were being deprived of oxygen and being turned into invalids.
There is no doubt breast milk is the better option, but by no means are you seriously depriving your kid of anything they are going to really need to survive, or become successful, healthy adolescents and then adults. Why are they trying to make it seem that way? Show me, please, someone show me any kid who's life would have turned out any different, much less better had he been breast fed.
I read somewhere that breastfed babies have better teeth and jaws and better eye sight. I was breastfed longer than any other kid in my family, well into my toddler years. Guess what? I undeniably have the worst teeth (think severe crowding and snaggle teeth) and the worst eyesight, average intelligence, talent, drive, lifestyle, and immune system. I'm not convinced it's that much better. Genetics dominate.
What gives these said "lactivists" the right to judge other mothers? It's one thing to tell someone they are going to hell for getting an abortion, or that it's a sin against mother earth for eating meat. It's seriously can hit a mother at her core to tell her that she is a terrible mother for not breast feeding. Breast feeding is extremely difficult considering it's supposedly very natural. It's very stressful because it means it's all you all the time. I believe that it is in the best interest of both the mother and baby if you do what is easier and less stressful for you. It'll in the end make you a better mother if you do something that alleviates the stress.
Ugh seriously. Unless a kid is getting his ass beaten on a daily basis for looking funny, or having things done to him that are actually going to cause harm, I could care less about how the kid is being raised. It's not my place, I have my own kid to worry about which is something the boob fascists must learn: It ain't your place.
Expressing your opinions on your personal blog is okay, if people don't like what you have to say then they don't have to read it, but openly seeking people to attack on message boards or committing the mortal faux-pas of not knowing when to shut your fat pie hole is not okay. Get real people.
I have a really difficult decision to make. Vance wants to go to Guy to visit his parents and go fishing at Twin Lakes and he wants to take the baby with him so I can get a break and clean the house and do my Christmas shopping. Tonight I went 3 hours without him at a Christmas party and it actually physically hurt be away from him that long. He's like heroin. I can't imagine how sick with worry I would be if I went all day and potentially overnight without seeing my son. I would be so sad to miss his little coos and smiles even if it was just for 24 hours.
But I would get SO MUCH DONE without him here. It could be even harder going without Vance here to help me for a couple of hours. And I would have to worry about pumping every few hours and MAN that can be such a pain in the ass. On the other hand, I would only have to worry about feeding myself and thats easy. I'll just order pizza. And not have to worry about being groped every time I turn around. UGH. Screw cleaning the house, I'll just drag Deven about the mall tomorrow.
Christmas shopping is hard. I still have my brother Bo, dad, grandparents, and Vance's dad to shop for. Technically I am done with Vance and Deven's shopping but every time I go out I find something that they would love and I have to fight to keep myself from getting it for them. I guess thats what happens when you're deeply, insanely in love. Oh, the men in my life. Okay, I just made myself nauseas. I'm gonna go now.

Aminals

I suppose we are now harvesting crickets in our bedroom. You know, the room the baby and I sleep in. That would freak me out more if we didn't already have a tarantula living in here. Thats kind of why we are harvesting the crickets. A while back, I think in July, we had 2 tarantulas. One of them got out. And Vance found it crawling on him in our bed. I was sleeping next to him.
No, not scary at all.
This evening I had to watch three baby rats be fed to Mr. Snowshoes, our snapping turtle. The pet store was out of pinky mice, so Vance settled on a hearty meal of newborn rats. I was sad. Mice can be snippy and are not very engaging pets, but rats make awesome pets. I was sad to see them meet their ends. When Deven gets a little older we are definitely getting a rat.
My thoughts are being so randomly thrown together tonight. I think it's the wine and lack of sleep.
I ordered this adorable little black dress from Target for a Christmas party tomorrow night. It's for Vance's work. I'm so psyched to rock it with my heels and push-up bra. It's so rare that I ever get to do myself up and socialize. I'm almost tempted to throw my own holiday party just to get the opportunity to cook/bake and do myself up. DAMMIT, if only I had friends.
Right now Deven is sitting in his bouncy chair drooling and then making this absolutely adorable lip smacking sound. He smiles at me whenever I mimic him. He's the coolest baby ever. I think he deserves to be fed.

Looking to the future.

I got my IUC inserted yesterday. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I don't know why, after getting pierced, tattooed, and having given birth I was so afraid if the 5 minute procedure to stick a copper thingy into my uterus. I've spotted a little and cramped a lot since having it put in, but it was no big deal. I feel like I can look safely into the future and really focus on just raising Deven and working on my career and education. And not worry about accidents of the human child sort.
Speaking of which, I've decided that now is the time for me to buckle down and start working on it. I don't know if I have ever mentioned this on here, but I never graduated high school. I dropped out before 9th grade ended, tried homeschooling, but that didn't work out either. I couldn't stay focused or interested and things at home were terrible at that time. Okay, thats the story for a lot of kids. But I never got my GED.
Thats right, I have been out of school for 6 years now and I still haven't done it. It's a simple 5 part test, and I have used every excuse in the book to avoid it. The truth is that I have managed to do alright without it. I've had decent bullshit jobs in the past or someone to foot the bills, so I've just been able to put it behind me. I still allowed myself to fantasize about going to college and studying Journalism and then one day becoming a successful columnist for the Times... but you can't do any of that without first getting at least an equivalence.
I have lacked the confidence to do it. My biggest fear is failure...there I admitted it. I'm so afraid of screwing up that I just don't even bother trying. And dropping out in the ninth grade is a big deal, even for the GED. I've taken classes and done a lot of independent study and at this point I am so very close to being ready. I need to do a little bit of brushing up and then I am so there.
And I even figure out what I am going to do afterwards. We all know that with the baby and possibly having to get a job in the near future that attending classes isn't really plausible for me. So I decided to look at online options when I stumbled across this. It's right up my alley! Seriously, I haven't been excited about the prospect of college, well, ever. Vance and I agreed that we could both take online classes and sort of keep each other focused. We would put aside an hour a day to study together. Anyway...yeah this is exciting.
And so now, I need to blow dry my hair and do the dishes. I am so going to Starbucks after dinner. Until then I am leaving you with another Electric Six video:

Just a side note...or not.

This video is somewhat of a mature nature. So if you are under the age of 18, or are offended by body parts that light up, tiny mustaches, or May-December romances, than for the love of all that is holy DO NOT click on the play button.
That is all.

Post

Hello everyone. How was your holiday?
Ours was insane. Insane. We never realized the effect marriage would have on the holidays. It's no good.
We sat down for Thanksgiving lunch at my dad's, which as it turns out was the only meal we ate all day even though we had 3 other houses to visit. We got there on Wednesday night at around 10 and everyone was still awake getting the side dishes ready, preparing the brine for the turkey and in general just being assholes. My stepmom's daughter, husband, and 2 kids were there along with her sister and her husband. For those who don't know, Barnie and I have had a complicated relationship in the past. It's a long story that I'd rather not get into, but...let's say I didn't talk to her for a long time, which made talking to my dad hard. I had no idea where she came from, if she had a family...for all I knew she sprouted from a swampy cabbage patch in Louisiana. It was good to meet someone from her family. Feels like I know her a little better now.
Anyway, of course as soon as we walk through the door everyone swarms to the car seat that Vance is carrying. Everyone loved Deven, they all passed him around like a football. It's was great for me because it meant I got at least a few minutes to myself. He's such a well-behaved baby when other people are around. He didn't fuss, and he even let the other people see his beautiful smile. We lucked out so much. We could have gotten a fussy little brat who didn't want to be held by anyone but me, but instead we were gifted with the greatest baby EVER. Baby Jesus ain't got nothing on our Deven.
After a couple of hours of letting the massive amount of turkey we consumed rest, we had to hit the road. We headed to my Aunt's house so she could see the baby. After everyone caught a glimpse of him we headed to Friendswood to see Vance's grandparents and Aunt and Uncle. Deven was starting to feel the effects of all the travel. He was getting restless, so we fed him and hit the road so he would fall asleep. We had to go from Friendwood to Northwest Austin to see Vance's other grandmother. We missed the actual dinner, which was okay because we were still stuffed from the dinner at my dad's. We picked at the left over turkey so we would look interested. From there we made the trek to our Final destination in Guy to hang out with Vance's parents. My arms are exhausted from just typing all of that.
So obviously we did more traveling than eating or spending time with family. Next year we're actually thinking about just staying home and making our own dinner. If our family wants to come see us than they are more than welcome. But we can't do that every single year.
Vance's mom and I did take advantage of the black Friday sales. I got all my shopping done for Vance and got some things for myself. I needed a pair of heels for a party we're going to on the 30th. The shoe aisles at Kohl's had been violently assaulted. Just about everything that I liked was out of my size, but I did manage to find a sophisticated style. I also got myself some fleece pajamas, a couple of sweaters, and some things for Deven. Now we just have to shop for...everyone else. I hate Christmas shopping. We were thinking about being lazy and getting everyone gift cards and framed pictures of the baby. What? We're new parents. We're exhausted.
Speaking of exhaustion, I didn't want to get out of bed today until 1. It's the weather. I'm always depressed and tired when it's cold and rainy. Deven is hungry and starting to fuss. I must be going.

My list of things to buy myself

What I want for Christmas by Janette:

*An Ipod
Why? Because cd players are bulky and out of fashion
* A pair of sexy black heels
I'm rediscovering my long-lost femininity and simple black heels can make any outfit sexy.
* Bedhead straightening iron
My cheap-o Vidal Sassoon iron is just not cutting it.

The weekend didn't go as well as I had planned. Our RenFest trip was a bust. We got there, but we were stuck in traffic the entire way there and back. We spent most of our time just waiting on each other and our friends. We saw maybe 1/4 of the park. Vance and I fought the entire time. Just not fun at all. Oh, but every year I get a tarot reading and this year it was actually really good. If you get it done at RenFest, make sure it's by a pro. At the very least it'll freak you out.
The absolute highlight of the trip was our run in with an owl. We were following Vance's stepdad to their house, which is out in the boonies, and we saw an owl in the middle of the road. Glynn swerved around it, and as we were moving out of the way it spread its wings and flew right into our bumper. Totally. Awesome.
The inlaw's house is great, but I would never, ever want to live that far away from civilization. It's like a 20 minute drive to get to a convenient store and then another 30 minutes to a damn grocery store. Just not my thing at all.
And there are no pis from RenFest. I just didn't feel like taking any. I was too frustrated and just not that into it for some reason.
Anyway, gotta blow dry my hair and give the little monkey a bath.

A happy ending? Maybe?

I've had a sore throat for the last month and the last week it's been horrible. Like, "I don't want to eat" horrible. I finally went to the Doctor this morning to get some relief.
This was the same Doctor that looked at Vance like he had an extra pair of hands coming out of his temples when he told him about his intermittent knee pain. And then he told him to lose weight. But I didn't care. I knew what the Doctor was going to tell me, I just wanted some medicine that was going to work.
I have allergies. Duh, I've had allergies my whole life, but instead of sneezing until my nose bleeds like everyone else in my family, I get post-nasal drip and a sore throat. I've never had my allergies treated because they've never been that bad, just an inconvenience. They've gotten considerably worse since we moved to this land of Cedar. And we're in an older apartment building with lots and lots of mold. There isn't anything that can be done about it, it's gross and it makes me feel sick, but we can't afford anything better.
Anyway, he gives me some nose spray, the kind with the bee voiced by Antonio Banderas in the commercials. You know "Nasonex, for all your nasal allergy seeemptoms." The guy threw the box at me and told me how to use it and all I kept thinking about was the spanish bee in the commercials.
I now for the life of me can't remember how to use the stuff. I remember him telling me to look at my toes when I shoot it in my nose, but not how many times to shoot it in my nose. I looked at the script he wrote and it looks like it says ":/|| times a day." I don't know what :/|| is. Klingon? Do Pharmacists have their own language?
Anyway, yesterday was Vance's birthday. Let me first begin by explaining that Vance's friends are assholes. He got happy birthdays from me, his parents, grandparents, and his boss. Thats it. His boss's boss upon finding out that it was his birthday invited him to go to a titty bar with him so he can try to crawl back into his porn-star ex-girlfriend's panties. He was not happy when I told him no, he couldn't go to the titty bar for his birthday even though I was invited too. I have been to strip clubs before and it is just not my thing. Believe it or not, I do not find sipping $7 beer while watching half-naked women dance on poles a fun activity. Vance loves it. He loves it because he knows I am tortured by it. Now that I am a mom and my hormones still have not come back down to a normal level the thought of going to a strip club makes me want to cry and vomit at the same time.
From that point on Vance was a mess. I have seriously never seen him so frazzled in my entire life. Everything was sending him to a fit of whining and cursing and near-tears. For those who do not know the man that I married, let me tell you that he is one of the most sensitive people I know. Not always a good thing.
He was upset that the first face he saw when he walked through the door was my brother's. His thought was that we would take Deven to Bo's house so that we could have alone time and he could have "other things" done on him. My thinking was that Bo showed up here, and to be honest I was so tired from baking a million birthday cookies for my whiney husband that I did not want to worry about driving to Round Rock to drop him off and then having to drive back to Round Rock to pick him up. And everything for him is here. There is no forgetting to pack things. It's just a better idea to have him babysit here.
He was complaining the entire drive to whereverland. He did not know what he wanted to do, and to me birthdays are the most important day in any one individuals life and you should plan every little detail for yourself. If it doesn't go completely right, so what, it's a day devoted entirely to you. We finally settled on Shooters, our favorite pool hall, after several "I don't WANNA go there's" . After a few rounds of pool and trying some really gross beers, we both relaxed and started to have fun without naked women or any of Vance's asshole friends. (BTW, I drank very little beer, and beer is actually good for breast milk production. I was able to pump like 5 oz when I got home, and was still be able to feed Deven. Of course, I think thats more because I let myself get to the point that my boobs were about to pop like water balloons on a concrete sidewalk.)
I shed a couple of tears for him because he was unhappy on what is supposed to be the happiest day of the year for him. Dammit, Vance always remembers his dip shit friends birthdays and he works so hard the rest of the year, so why couldn't this one day go right for him?
I told him that the only reason why I am able to have fun on my birthdays is because I plan ahead. I treat May 20 like Christmas, and I beat it into my friends heads a month before. Hey, we are doing something on this day, clear your schedules, request off work and if you don't show up you will never be forgiven. Thats how it works.
Anyway, by the end of the night things did end happily for him. I refuse to elaborate.
Sooo. TOMORROW WE ARE GOING TO RENFEST! I am so excited. Unfortunately I am not going to be able to dress up this year seeing as my gypsy costume did not really fit me before, and it sure as hell doesn't fit me now. I need to get a new top. We are leaving for Houston whenever Vance gets his lazy butt out of bed. I will be posting pictures, I can assure you of this.

Stick it where it counts.

Today will be a day full of adventure, that is certain.
I will be going to Round Rock, because it is the only county Annex I know of, to get my car registration updated and to VOTE! I am going to let Rick Perry know where he can stick his Prop 15.
This is the first time I have voted since the 2004 presidential primary. That election I was faced with choosing between a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich (thanks South Park) until I did my homework and found out there were other people running. I voted for the Libertarian candidate in every category, of course. It's just so shitty that people believe that you can only vote for one or the other even if both are wrong for the job at hand. Penn Jillette, one of my personal heroes, was on Glenn Beck last week and he made an excellent point that these days because of the 2 party system no one votes for a candidate, people vote against a candidate. He asked people one thing their candidate does right and very few could answer that question, but they would gladly tell you what the opposition was does wrong. These people help decide who runs our nation.
One last political rant: hardly anyone votes in small elections like these, where we vote on amendments that can affect how much we pay in taxes, how much our cost of living will be. You know, the elections that actually can directly affect the individual. But when it comes to the big elections that require significantly less research, we'll all jump in on that one! I don't want that schmuck to win! I'm gonna vote for...that other guy. What was his name again?
Enough with that nonsense. I have so much laundry to do today. And apparently Vance would rather have fresh baked cookies instead of cake for his birthday tomorrow, so I also have to get started on that. I suppose to ensure that his hands don't go into the jar prematurely I could do that tomorrow. We got my brother to babysit for a little while tomorrow. As much as I love my big brother and trust that he still remembers how to take care of a baby, I am still scared. It's better than a stranger, but...it's my brother who hasn't really cared for a baby in, oh...22 years? I'm sure it will be fine.
And now I leave you with a picture of my son in a funny hat.

A true winner.

It's apparent that my sweet little boy takes after his momma in all of the most annoying ways. He's a snacker, which means he'll latch on for 5 minutes and then lose interest and want to eat again 30 minutes later. He'll eat maybe one big meal a day. But this goes on around the clock. 24 hours a day. I really miss the every two hours schedule he was on before.
His sleep pattern also closely resembles this making naps very hard for me. But today we napped on the bed for 4 1/2 hours. I felt so much better for a little while. Of course, every nap since then has lasted about a half an hour. Right now I am wearing my super-deluxe awesome nursing pillow, after a feeding attempt, and he is dozing on it. About every 15 minutes he wakes up crying for no reason, and is comforted as soon as I pick him up and pat his little back.
I have started working a little, tiny bit of formula into his diet. He doesn't get it every day, and he certainly doesn't like it as much as my boob juice. He eats at most 3 oz at a time, and it seriously saves me from going insane. I'm too tired to hold you or be concerned with you for longer than 10 minutes, so I am going to spare your life by giving you this bottle and passing you off to your daddy for a couple of hours. Now shut up.
My pumping isn't working as well as I would like it to. I need at least 10 bags to take to Vance's parents for RenFest and I have...2. Its like I have to hit up my boobs at the exact right moment in time or else I will get less than 1 ounce after bruising the hell out of my nipples. At a better time I will achieve 2 oz, and when everything is just right I will squeeze out 4. And then Deven will have nothing, absolutely nothing to eat and thats where the formula comes in.
Formula is not easier than breast feeding like I feared it would be. I thought it would be so much easier that I would say "screw it" with breast feeding and go strictly formula. But getting up to mix a bottle does not come close to lifting your shirt and pulling out a titty. When he eats formula his habits don't change, he doesn't sleep any better, he still poops a lot, and he is still hungry 30 minutes later. I'm not worried.
I have a tooth ache...sort of. For the last several years I would get these tooth aches in the back of my mouth. The gum surrounding one tooth will swell up and it'll hurt to bite down. It lasts at most a day, but man does it suck. I went to the dentist a couple of years ago to have it looked at and I think it may have been because I couldn't be x-rayed, but the super-genius dentist determined that food was stuck between my teeth and I needed to floss more. I started flossing. And lost all faith in the dental industry.
I have horrible teeth. My mouth is small and I have severe crowding that I have wanted fixed for ever. When I was little I had the worst experience with a dentist you could imagine, like there is nothing humorous surrounding what I went through. I had what I believe a lot of over-invasive and unnecessary work done. I don't go to the dentist very often because it's expensive and I hate the smell of rubber. I really want braces. I think over the next couple of years I am going to work really hard to be able to afford this. I mean, it's something that would seriously help me to feel so much better about myself, and become so much more confident and outgoing. It could make me a true winner!
And that is all.