Finally, I am able to again handle the affairs of the site. My brother has been switching servers around for about the last week and I think for the time being we're good. I still don't have my old files on this computer or Paint Shop and PhotoShop but of well. I've been working on something new. I think you'll like it. Buttholes.
Tomorrow we're supposed to go visit my dad in LaMarque since we won't be going down there next week for his birthday. We didn't see him over Christmas so we owe him this opportunity to cuddle his adorable grandson.
I don't even know the right way to start with this topic. I thought that I could find some sort of intro to transition from talking about the site and the weekend to this, but there really is no way.
Last week I talked to my friend on Myspace whom I really hadn't talked to much in the last year. I think the last time we saw each other was New Years 2006. We fell out of touch which really makes me sad seeing as she was one of the best friends I have ever had.
I met her during my one year in high school and she and one other girl were really the only people I felt comfortable enough with to get close to during that time. I stayed in touch with them even after I moved away and spent like every weekend with them.
Over the years we've had this really weird, fickle relationship. There would be waves of close contact and then not talking to one another. Sometimes it felt like she was ditching me for whoever she was dating at that time. I would be in town and she would tell me we were going to hang out and then she would forget and be in the middle of something else. The last time I even bothered trying was my wedding. I invited her to the reception since the ceremony was family-only and the night before she told me she'd be there and I told her I'd call her when we left. The next day I called her before we left and she said she forgot and couldn't go because she and her friends had just "consumed" stuff, I'll say. I was hurt.
She wasn't always the greatest friend. Vance wondered why I even bothered to talk to her or call her since she never bothered to call or try to hang out with me. I never could give up on her because of how close we were once. She really was the closest thing I have ever had to a sister. Maybe I'm just a sucker for pain, but I will probably always love her and make excuses for her.
Earlier I mentioned that there was another girl that I met in high school. She and the aforementioned girl were like best friends since the 5th grade. I was the 3rd girl but I never felt like I could match the closeness they shared. They are like perfectly in sync, like real sisters. I was also really close to this girl, but our relationship was a little more volatile. It was easier to push her buttons and make her angry and it was never ideal to be on her bad side. For some reason it was easy for me to be on that side. She wasn't always nice to me. She was crass and insensitive, but I honestly don't think she realized it. I think she was just careless and not terribly aware of other people's feelings. She's a Sagittarius. That means something here, believe me.
Things really went sour when I dated her brother, which was the worst idea ever.
I had a falling-out with her family which changed things a lot. She had a weird relationship with her family in that they were horrible to her but she would defend them to the ground. I guess it's not that weird, but even I could admit when my mom or dad fucked up. Anyway, her brother and I moved to Austin and she became inexplicably mad at me for "stealing her brother" and for the falling out. It didn't matter what I said to defend myself or explain the situation which she didn't understand, I was just wrong for disagreeing with her crazy mother. We were apparently "cool" after that for a while, which just meant she was willing to talk to me.
I broke up with her brother and that was it. For that alone I didn't deserve to be acknowledged. Her brother, who is I must assert the scum of the earth, who deserves nothing more than to choke on his own vomit and die, was so angry with me for dumping him that he started talking shit and making things up and of course his sister took his word over mine. It isn't fair to say whose word she took, because she never confronted me, never asked me if any of it was true, she just wrote me off.
The break up was bad, and I didn't do anything to make things better. I said some things about her brother that were never meant to hurt her but they did and after that all hope of ever talking her again in a civil way was destroyed.
I still think about her a lot. Every time I look at my friend's page I see her picture and I can't help but wonder if she's okay, if she's taking care of herself. We were horrible to one another when we were friends and a bad ending was inevitable, but it didn't make this any easier. If I had the opportunity to see her again and talk to her I would just tell her I never wanted things to end the way that they did. No matter what, because of how close we were before, no matter how mean she was to me, no matter what I said to her, I will always care about her. If there was any way I could go back and change things I would. If there was anything I could say to her that would make her understand any of this I would say it.
It's an ugly part of the past everyday I try to forget it and move on.
And right now Showbiz Tonight is on. Every night they talk about a certain someone who has gone batshit crazy and they speculate about it. They talk to celebrity stalking experts for their opinion and tonight their opinions all seemed to revolve around "she needs to be left alone." But doing that means no one would watch entertainment television especially since they've been barred from airing the video of Heath Ledger allegedly doing cocaine. Come on, it's serious this time, someone actually has been confirmed to be mentally sick and could benefit from being left alone. So heed your own advice, AJ Hammer, and LEAVE HER ALONE. I would go batshit too if I had strange people camped outside my house. I think we should boycott any coverage of her. And by her I mean Marie Osmond.