I got a new camera from my dad for Christmas. It's a Canon Powershot SD850 Digital Elph and man is it badass. I would show you just how awesome it is if I had a publishing program on my laptop. I do on the other computers. Did I mention that my slow-as-shit laptop is the only computer we have right now? Cause it is. My computer needs a new hard drive and more memory and Vance's computer just needs something reset but in true Vance form, it hasn't been done yet because he is lazy.
I've been somewhat depressed lately. It could be hormones, it could be the weather, or the holidays. All I know is that it has turned me into a slow-functioning, half-conscious mold growing on my bed. I don't do much other than sleep and take care of Deven, I don't leave my room until Vance gets home and I have to do the dishes and make dinner. What a LIFE!
I get somewhat depressed when it's cloudy and crappy outside, as I do during the holidays, but it's a little worse this time around. I'm a little sad that this year I'm not going to be spending Christmas with my family. We did our thing this last weekend so that we won't have to travel to 10 different places Christmas day or even this weekend. Vance needs to be back to work on Wednesday morning, so I blame all of this on HIM.
Anyway, we were all there, all opening gifts, eating gumbo, laughing, watching Christmas Vacation like we do every year, and having a great time. And then it was over three hours later. It never seems to last long enough. I think I'm in mourning for my childhood. This year is definitely going to be lacking the happiness and even the comfort of previous years. I'm not one of the kids that our parents make Christmas for, I'm now one of the mothers that makes Christmas memorable for her kid. And I don't even get to do that this year! You know what Deven is going to get for his first Christmas? Clothes and diapers. And probably 5 different "baby's first Christmas" ornaments. Luckily he has no idea whats going on.
So Sunday night after we came home from Bo's house I laid in my bed and cried. I miss my mom, I miss having my dad and brothers together, even though this has been the 5th time this year we've all been together, thanks to my son. They are who they are, they are all I have got, and I feel like I need to protect them from the people who refuse to get close enough to them to understand them. I wish we could be together more often.
There are other things that contribute to my depression, things that are far too complicated to put in a blog. I don't know if there is enough space on the internet for it. It's epic. Epic sadness. Like that movie Independence Day.
Tonight for dinner we will be eating Stuffed Sole. Vance's grandfather sent us all this meat from Omaha Steaks and it included awesome steaks that are now gone, chicken, pork loin chops, gourmet franks (hot dogs), and stuffed sole. We have to at leastgive this food a try, eat the good with the bad. Wish us luck.

Labels: baby, depression, holidays, sole